MINA HARKER'S JOURNAL
23 September.--Jonathan is better after a bad night.
I am so glad that he has plenty of work to do, for that keeps
his mind off the terrible things, and oh, I am rejoiced that he is
not now weighed down with the responsibility of his new position.
I knew he would be true to himself, and now how proud I am to see
my Jonathan rising to the height of his advancement and keeping
pace in all ways with the duties that come upon him. He will be
away all day till late, for he said he could not lunch at home.
My household work is done, so I shall take his foreign journal,
and lock myself up in my room and read it.
24 September.--I hadn't the heart to write last night,
that terrible record of Jonathan's upset me so. Poor dear!
How he must have suffered, whether it be true or only imagination.
I wonder if there is any truth in it at all. Did he get
his brain fever, and then write all those terrible things,
or had he some cause for it all? I suppose I shall never know,
for I dare not open the subject to him. And yet that man we
saw yesterday! He seemed quite certain of him, poor fellow!
I suppose it was the funeral upset him and sent his mind back
on some train of thought.
He believes it all himself. I remember how on our wedding
day he said "Unless some solemn duty come upon me to go
back to the bitter hours, asleep or awake, mad or sane.
.." There seems to be through it all some thread of continuity.
That fearful Count was coming to London. If it should be,
and he came to London, with its teeming millions...There may
be a solemn duty, and if it come we must not shrink from it.
I shall be prepared. I shall get my typewriter this very hour
and begin transcribing. Then we shall be ready for other eyes
if required. And if it be wanted, then, perhaps, if I am ready,
poor Jonathan may not be upset, for I can speak for him
and never let him be troubled or worried with it at all.
If ever Jonathan quite gets over the nervousness he may want
to tell me of it all, and I can ask him questions and find
out things, and see how I may comfort him.