The Most-Read Classics
Catalogue  /  The Phantom of the Opera  /  "Have Me Arrested!"
The Phantom of the Opera · Gaston Leroux

"Have Me Arrested!"

The mouth that spoke those words seemed to spit the three teeth

that were left to it into Richard's face.

M. Richard behaved like a hero. He retreated no farther.

His threatening forefinger seemed already to be pointing out

the keeper of Box Five to the absent magistrates.

"I am going to have you arrested, Mme. Giry, as a thief!"

"Say that again!"

And Mme. Giry caught Mr. Manager Richard a mighty box on the ear,

before Mr. Manager Mencharmin had time to intervene. But it

was not the withered hand of the angry old beldame that fell on

the managerial ear, but the envelope itself, the cause of all the trouble,

the magic envelope that opened with the blow, scattering the bank-notes,

which escaped in a fantastic whirl of giant butterflies.

The two managers gave a shout, and the same thought made them both

go on their knees, feverishly, picking up and hurriedly examining

the precious scraps of paper.

"Are they still genuine, Moncharmin?"

"Are they still genuine, Richard?"

"Yes, they are still genuine!"

Above their heads, Mme. Giry's three teeth were clashing in a

noisy contest, full of hideous interjections. But all that could

be dearly distinguished was this LEIT-MOTIF:

"I, a thief!...I, a thief, I?"

She choked with rage. She shouted:

"I never heard of such a thing!"

And, suddenly, she darted up to Richard again.

"In any case," she yelped, "you, M. Richard, ought to know better

than I where the twenty thousand francs went to!"

"I?" asked Richard, astounded. "And how should I know?"

Moncharmin, looking severe and dissatisfied, at once insisted

that the good lady should explain herself.

"What does this mean, Mme. Giry?" he asked. "And why do you say that

M. Richard ought to know better than you where the twenty-thousand

francs went to?"

As for Richard, who felt himself turning red under Moncharmin's eyes,

he took Mme. Giry by the wrist and shook it violently. In a voice

growling and rolling like thunder, he roared:

"Why should I know better than you where the twenty-thousand francs

went to? Why? Answer me!"

"Because they went into your pocket!" gasped the old woman,

looking at him as if he were the devil incarnate.

Richard would have rushed upon Mme. Giry, if Moncharmin had not

stayed his avenging hand and hastened to ask her, more gently:

"How can you suspect my partner, M. Richard, of putting twenty-thousand

francs in his pocket?"

"I never said that," declared Mme. Giry, "seeing that it was myself

who put the twenty-thousand francs into M. Richard's pocket."

And she added, under her voice, "There! It's out!...And may

the ghost forgive me!"

Richard began bellowing anew, but Moncharmin authoritatively ordered

him to be silent.

"Allow me! Allow me! Let the woman explain herself. Let me

question her." And he added: "It is really astonishing that you

should take up such a tone!...We are on the verge of clearing

up the whole mystery. And you're in a rage!...You're wrong

to behave like that... I'm enjoying myself immensely."

Mme. Giry, like the martyr that she was, raised her head, her face

beaming with faith in her own innocence.

"You tell me there were twenty-thousand francs in the envelope

which I put into M. Richard's pocket; but I tell you again that I

knew nothing about it... Nor M. Richard either, for that matter!"

"Aha!" said Richard, suddenly assuming a swaggering air which

Moncharmin did not like. "I knew nothing either! You put

twenty-thousand francs in my pocket and I knew nothing either!

I am very glad to hear it, Mme. Giry!"

"Yes," the terrible dame agreed, "yes, it's true. We neither of us

knew anything. But you, you must have ended by finding out!"

Richard would certainly have swallowed Mme. Giry alive,

if Moncharmin had not been there! But Moncharmin protected her.

He resumed his questions:

"What sort of envelope did you put in M. Richard's pocket?

It was not the one which we gave you, the one which you took to Box

Five before our eyes; and yet that was the one which contained

the twenty-thousand francs."

"I beg your pardon. The envelope which M. le Directeur gave

me was the one which I slipped into M. le Directeur's pocket,"

explained Mme. Giry. "The one which I took to the ghost's box was

another envelope, just like it, which the ghost gave me beforehand

and which I hid up my sleeve."

So saying, Mme. Giry took from her sleeve an envelope ready prepared

and similarly addressed to that containing the twenty-thousand francs.

The managers took it from her. They examined it and saw that it

was fastened with seals stamped with their own managerial seal.

They opened it. It contained twenty Bank of St. Farce notes like

those which had so much astounded them the month before.

"How simple!" said Richard.

"How simple!" repeated Moncharmin. And he continued with his eyes

fixed upon Mme. Giry, as though trying to hypnotize her.

"So it was the ghost who gave you this envelope and told you to

substitute it for the one which we gave you? And it was the ghost

who told you to put the other into M. Richard's pocket?"

"Yes, it was the ghost."

"Then would you mind giving us a specimen of your little talents?

Here is the envelope. Act as though we knew nothing."

"As you please, gentlemen."

Mme. Giry took the envelope with the twenty notes inside

it and made for the door. She was on the point of going

out when the two managers rushed at her:

"Oh, no! Oh, no! We're not going to be ‘done' a second time!

Once bitten, twice shy!"

"I beg your pardon, gentlemen," said the old woman, in self-excuse,

"you told me to act as though you knew nothing....Well,

if you knew nothing, I should go away with your envelope!"

"And then how would you slip it into my pocket?" argued Richard,

whom Moncharmin fixed with his left eye, while keeping his right on

Mme. Giry: a proceeding likely to strain his sight, but Mon-MME. GIRY'

charmin was prepared to go to any length to discover the truth.

"I am to slip it into your pocket when you least expect it, sir.

You know that I always take a little turn behind the scenes,

in the course of the evening, and I often go with my daughter

to the ballet-foyer, which I am entitled to do, as her mother;

I bring her her shoes, when the ballet is about to begin...in fact,

I come and go as I please....The subscribers come and go too.

... So do you, sir....There are lots of people about...

I go behind you and slip the envelope into the tail-pocket of your

dress-coat....There's no witchcraft about that!"

"No witchcraft!" growled Richard, rolling his eyes like Jupiter Tonans.

"No witchcraft! Why, I've just caught you in a lie, you old witch!"

Mme. Giry bristled, with her three teeth sticking out of her mouth.

"And why, may I ask?"

"Because I spent that evening watching Box Five and the sham envelope

which you put there. I did not go to the ballet-foyer for a second."

"No, sir, and I did not give you the envelope that evening, but at

the next performance...on the evening when the under-secretary

of state for fine arts..."

At these words, M. Richard suddenly interrupted Mme. Giry:

"Yes, that's true, I remember now! The under-secretary went behind

the scenes. He asked for me. I went down to the ballet-foyer

for a moment. I was on the foyer steps....The under-secretary

and his chief clerk were in the foyer itself. I suddenly turned

around...you had passed behind me, Mme. Giry... You seemed

to push against me....Oh, I can see you still, I can see you still!"

"Yes, that's it, sir, that's it. I had just finished my little business.

That pocket of yours, sir, is very handy!"

And Mme. Giry once more suited the action to the word, She passed

behind M. Richard and, so nimbly that Moncharmin himself was impressed

by it, slipped the envelope into the pocket of one of the tails

of M. Richard's dress-coat.

"Of course!" exclaimed Richard, looking a little pale. "It's very

clever of O. G. The problem which he had to solve was this:

how to do away with any dangerous intermediary between the man

who gives the twenty-thousand francs and the man who receives it.

And by far the best thing he could hit upon was to come and take

the money from my pocket without my noticing it, as I myself did not

know that it was there. It's wonderful!"

"Oh, wonderful, no doubt!" Moncharmin agreed. "Only, you forget,

Richard, that I provided ten-thousand francs of the twenty

and that nobody put anything in my pocket!"