WHAT HAPPENED TO CUNEGONDE, CANDIDE, THE
GRAND INQUISITOR, AND THE JEWS
This same Issachar was the most choleric little Hebrew that had ever been
in Israel since the captivity of Babylon.
"What", said he, "thou Galilean slut? The Inquisitor was not enough for thee,
but this rascal must come in for a share with me?"
In uttering these words, he drew out a long poniard, which he always
carried about him, and never dreaming that his adversary had any arms, he
attacked him most furiously; but our honest Westphalian had received from
the old woman a handsome sword with the suit of clothes. Candide drew his
rapier, and though he was very gentle and sweet-tempered, he laid the
Israelite dead on the floor at the fair Cunegonde's feet.
"Holy Virgin!" cried she, "what will become of us? A man killed in my
apartment! If the peace-officers come, we are undone."
"Had not Pangloss been hanged", replied Candide, "he would have given us
most excellent advice, in this emergency; for he was a profound
philosopher. But, since he is not here, let us consult the old woman."
She was very sensible, and was beginning to give her advice, when another
door opened on a sudden. It was now one o'clock in the morning, and of
course the beginning of Sunday, which, by agreement, fell to the lot of My
Lord Inquisitor. Entering he discovered the flagellated Candide with his
drawn sword in his hand, a dead body stretched on the floor, Cunegonde
frightened out of her wits, and the old woman giving advice.
At that very moment, a sudden thought came into Candide's head. "If this
holy man", thought he, "should call assistance, I shall most undoubtedly be
consigned to the flames, and Miss Cunegonde may perhaps meet with no
better treatment: besides, he was the cause of my being so cruelly whipped;
he is my rival; and as I have now begun to dip my hands in blood, I will kill
away, for there is no time to hesitate."
This whole train of reasoning was clear and instantaneous; so that, without
giving time to the Inquisitor to recover from his surprise, he ran him through
the body, and laid him by the side of the Jew.
"Here's another fine piece of work!" cried Cunegonde. "Now there can be
no mercy for us, we are excommunicated; our last hour is come. But how
could you, who are of so mild a temper, despatch a Jew and an Inquisitor in
two minutes' time?"
"Beautiful maiden", answered Candide, "when a man is in love, is jealous,
and has been flogged by the Inquisition, he becomes lost to all reflection."
The old woman then put in her word:
"There are three Andalusian horses in the stable, with as many bridles and
saddles; let the brave Candide get them ready. Madam has a parcel of
moidores and jewels, let us mount immediately, though I have lost one
buttock; let us set out for Cadiz; it is the finest weather in the world, and
there is great pleasure in traveling in the cool of the night."
Candide, without any further hesitation, saddled the three horses; and Miss
Cunegonde, the old woman, and he, set out, and traveled thirty miles without
once halting. While they were making the best of their way, the Holy
Brotherhood entered the house. My Lord, the Inquisitor, was interred in a
magnificent manner, and Master Issachar's body was thrown upon a
dunghill.
Candide, Cunegonde, and the old woman, had by this time reached the little
town of Avacena, in the midst of the mountains of Sierra Morena, and were
engaged in the following conversation in an inn, where they had taken up
their quarters.